Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Flipping

      Even nice people have their limits. When pressed even nice people can lose their cool .  Its so interesting when this happens. People act so surprised. I never understand the surprise . A person can't be a chump forever.  The other unfortunate part is that if one does not occasionally "flip out" people will continue to push the limit. Life stinks.

Monday, February 1, 2016

The Goldie Locks Syndrome

      One of the hardest issues in the dating arena is getting the religious issues in sync. Everything else could be right but not that one. Its a big one. If one person is more religious the other person may not want to tweak their position to match . The less religious person might wish the more religious person would be less staunch. Of course there is a third possibility. They each could maintain their current religious values. This third possibility is a tough one depending on how wide the religious gap is. Sometimes the religious gap isn't really the internal religiosity but the externals. Is the clothing religious enough. Is the yarmulke the right color ? Are the sleeve lengths up to par?
        I really do not claim to know the answer. When people have been dating a long time they think that compromise is the only way to go. The problem is that it  would be much easier to compromise on these issues if they were younger. When one is older one has gotten used to one's own derech and its harder to imagine doing things another way even to get married. By now an older single is used to being single as well.
        I think that a person needs to think about what is actually important to them and what they think they realistically would not mind doing the way the other person would want . Some things depend on how much one really wants to do for the other person but then again not necessarily . One might think that they would not mind doing something more strictly or less strictly but three years from now when the honeymoon is over one might not think so. I think a person has to try to be realistic.
       I know that no two people are exactly alike religiously or in any of the other issues that make finding a spouse challenging, but I think that its best for two people to be more similar than less similar religiously . I have gone out with guys much more religious and guys much less religious and both are a real challenge. I think that its hard to go outside of one's comfort zone. Its hard for someone a lot less religious to suddenly want to be a lot more religious just for someone else and its equally difficult for someone much more religious to give up their current level of frumkeit. I think it would be best if each was able to maintain their own chosen religious level in a marriage but this may be difficult when raising children. This can even be difficult without the children issue. Religious level dictates what community one wants to be a part of , where one lives and  who one prefers to associate with. Judaism isn't just a bunch of  rituals . Its a way of life.
       All I can say is that its a miracle anyone gets married.
       
     
         

Sunday, January 31, 2016

This is Not a Love Story

   I just finished reading THIS IS NOT A LOVE STORY by Judy Brown who is also the author of HUSH.  This is a memoir about the author who grew up with an autistic brother in a hassidic family that spanned from Brooklyn to New York. I really like how authentic Brown's voice is. I think that this is a good book for people who may have the same situation in their families. Brown portrays the hassidic perspective in a positive way that is also realistic. Her parents love their autistic child yet can be frustrated by the situation as well. Once again it is nice to read about a frum family without it being overly preachy or overly critical of religious life. Religion is part of the story not the story. The story is mostly about parents who love all of their children being challenged by having an autistic child.
    Oh, and this book is most certainly a love story. Its the story of the love one family has toward each other. The world could use more of these love stories.

Monday, January 25, 2016

Happy Tu B'Shvat

   I actually love Tu B'shvat . It shows that we appreciate vegetation . Happy Tu B'Shvat.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Meet the Patels Official Trailer 2 (2015) - Documentary HD

    MEET THE PATELS is now streaming on Netlix. MEET THE PATELS is a documentary about an actor, Ravi Patel who is Indian, born in America and decides to date the Indian way to try to find a wife. His parents are matchmakers who are kind of embarrassed that their own children are still single.
    Indian dating  procotcol is not too far from the Jewish shidduch scene. They have bio- data forms , we have shidduch resumes. They have marriage conventions we have singles events.  It was fun to see another culture go through the process.
    This film is a must see.

Saturday, January 23, 2016

Compromise

    How do you define compromise? Is it two people discussing something and reaching a mutually decided outcome or is it sometimes you get to do things your way and other times you do things the way someone else wants to. I would love to think compromise was choice A but more often its choice B.  I guess that's OK though.  I do like getting to do things my way full stop even if sometimes I have to suck it up and let others do things their way.
   Compromise, however defined is not easy, but necessary to get along with others. 

Wednesday, January 20, 2016

The Right Age

      Is it better to get married older or younger. Since I have done neither it may seem odd that I am writing this. Nevertheless I have an opinion so write I shall.
      I think that it is better to get married younger because one is less set in one's ways when one is younger. One is also more likely to have biological children if one marries younger. If one marries younger and stays married to that same person one has the possibility of a deep long relationship with another person. I love seeing old couples who have spent their lives together.
     People who marry older can still have long marriages , children and a life with another person . Not everyone finds a spouse in their twenties. Not everyone is ready for marriage at a young age. A lot of people who marry young divorce and marrying young does not guarantee having children young.
       Some people who got married young regret not having the time on their own before meeting their spouse. They regret having children so young . They divorce to relive lost youth.
         No matter what age one marries one does not get everything one wants . That's just how life is. All one can do is their best .